Emotions aren’t walls to break through — they’re doors asking to be opened.
Sometimes I wish emotions came with a user manual. Something like: “Warning: sadness ahead. Please sit down with tea and don’t try to fix it in five minutes.”
But no, emotions just show up uninvited. Fear, sadness, anger, shame—like noisy flatmates who never learned to knock. And the worst part? I spent years trying to either kick them out or hide them under the rug. Spoiler: rugs don’t work.
Why Emotions Show Up
Science time (don’t worry, short and sweet): emotions are signals. They are not random or pointless. They’re your body’s way of saying: “Hey, something needs your attention.” Psychologists describe emotions as evolutionary tools. Anger tells us to protect ourselves. Fear tells us to be careful. Sadness tells us to slow down and maybe ask for help.
The problem starts when we think emotions = actions. Feeling angry doesn’t mean you need to yell or punch someone. Feeling fear doesn’t mean you need to run. They’re messengers, not dictators.
The Old Trap
Whenever life changes (and let’s be honest, life is basically constant change), I notice the same old trap: food, appearance, control, planning. Suddenly I’m back to the belief that if I just “optimize” my body, my diet, my goals—I’ll be safe. But that is a trap.
Through therapy I was reminded—it’s never really about the food. Food, exercise, discipline, “being productive”—those are just surface distractions. Underneath live the roots:
- Am I valuing myself?
- Do I allow myself to take breaks?
- Can I just enjoy without earning it?
- Do I allow myself to feel sadness, fear, anger—without judgment?
The eating thoughts? They’re not the enemy. They’re the smoke signal for deeper stuff.
The Rationalization Trap
Here’s a sneaky one: I often tell myself, “But my life is good! I have no reason to feel sad.” Which sounds logical, right? Except it’s just another way of pushing feelings down. The judgment kicks in: “You shouldn’t feel this way.” And that judgment creates even more pressure.
And when the pressure builds? Boom. The old coping strategies come back: control, food, self-punishment.
Emotions Want to Be Felt
Here’s the thing: feelings don’t want to ruin your life. They just want to be felt. That’s it. Sometimes sadness is just your body saying: “Could you please rest, sleep a little more, maybe call a friend?” Fear might say: “Hey, big changes are scary, but I need you to slow down.”
Our bodies are not against us—they’re for us. The tension isn’t an enemy; it’s a reminder to take care. The hurt comes when we fight against it.
Creating the Gap
One practice I tried for a while is observation. When pressure rises, when thoughts scream for control—I try to pause. Just a breath. Just enough to create a little gap between what I feel and how I react.
Because in that gap, I can choose.
Not reaction. But action.
Not autopilot. But freedom.
Feel it
Emotions are not obstacles. They’re signposts. They remind us that we’re alive, that we care, that we need to slow down or shift something. And the more we allow them—without judgment, without panic—the faster they flow through.
Feel it to free it. That’s the messy art.
With care,
Katja – Creator of HOMELESS
