Healing begins the moment you stop trying to change others—and start getting curious about your own reactions.
Let’s get one thing clear:
Reflecting on your relationship with your parents will not turn them into different people. It won’t erase what’s been done, what wasn’t said, or what should have been. But—and here’s the real gift—it can completely change the way you see yourself.
Because your relationship with your parents? It’s never just about them. It’s about who you want to be in that relationship.
Triggers, Titles, and the Child Within
Even as we grow older, some dynamics seem immune to time. One moment you’re 30, building your own life, feeling like an adult… and the next, your mom says something about your outfit and you’re instantly 13 again, defensive, small, misunderstood. Sound familiar?
That’s because family—especially parents—don’t just live in our physical world. They live in our emotional memory. In the layers of identity we’re still peeling back.
But here’s the shift: when you start stepping out of your role as their child, and instead meet them as fellow humans—flawed, learning, wounded adult children themselves—something liberating happens. You create space. You create choice.
You Can’t Rewrite Them, But You Can Rewrite Yourself
Our first mirrors are our parents. That’s not poetic, that’s neuroscience. The way we were seen, soothed, or dismissed shaped the stories we told ourselves about what’s safe, what’s lovable, what’s expected.
But those early templates? They’re not fixed. They’re just familiar.
When your parent triggers you, it’s a clue. A portal. Not into them, but into you.
- Why did that hurt?
- What story did I just re-enter?
- Who am I choosing to be in this moment?
It’s not easy. And sometimes, it’s deeply unfair. But this kind of reflection gives you back the power to decide who you want to be.
Relationships Are Mirrors, Not Scoreboards
It’s tempting to keep score. Who gave more, who hurt who, who should apologize first. But healing doesn’t live in the scoreboard. It lives in the mirror.
Ask yourself:
- What version of me do I bring into this relationship?
- What parts of me feel unfree around this person?
- And who am I, outside of their expectations?
You can love someone and still create space. You can disagree and still honor your own truth. You can feel disappointed and still decide not to shrink.
A Note of Humor and Humanity
Let’s be real: your parents probably won’t change. They might never get therapy, stop asking when you’re having kids, or understand your need for boundaries.
But that’s okay.
Because the point was never to change them. The point was to change the way you meet them. Not from the wounded place, but from the place that knows:
“I can love you and not lose myself in the process.”
In the End, It’s About You
Your parents were never meant to define you forever. At some point, your relationship with them becomes the biggest opportunity to define yourself.
Not by rebellion.
Not by obligation.
But by clarity. Intention. And love—with a healthy dose of self-respect.
So go ahead. Get triggered. Feel it fully. Then use that spark to become the version of yourself your inner potential already knows is possible.
Because this journey isn’t about fixing the past. It’s about becoming someone who knows how to show up—no matter who’s in the room.
With care and curiosity,
Katja – Creator of HOMELESS
