“I have learned that as long as I hold fast to my beliefs and values – and follow my own moral compass – then the only expectations I need to live up to are my own.” – Michelle Obama
My journey to discovering my core values began several years ago when I was in a dark place in my life. I struggled with my biggest enemy—myself. The first step in my healing process was accepting that I needed help. The second was seeking it, and the third was asking for it. That’s when I met incredible, inspiring, and wise people who helped guide me.
Through this experience, I realized we are all students in the school of life. We wander, sometimes thinking we’ve found ‘the solution,’ only to face another challenge. Our brain is a problem-solving machine, constantly seeking dilemmas. While we may feel that everything in our mind is urgent and serious, it’s important to recognize that it’s often just our perspective.
For example, the stress of finding a new apartment may consume us, while someone else may not be facing that challenge at all. Our minds can become so focused on one issue that we fail to see the bigger picture—such as the opportunities and open doors around us.
Understanding how our brain works helped me shift my perspective and dig deeper into my ‘own reality.’ That’s when I began to discover my core values and how they shape my life decisions.
Discovering your core values is a journey in itself, as there are so many possibilities to choose from. It can feel overwhelming when you realize that values only benefit you if you narrow your focus to a few—typically three to five core values. Even though our minds are excellent problem solvers, they can become easily overwhelmed by too many choices.
Core values are there to help you stay on track and stay focused. I started my journey by taking online tests to identify potential values, and then I experimented with a few for a period of time. I wrote down five values that seemed to align with who I am and lived with them for a week.
Living my everyday life according to these values allowed me to evaluate if they truly fit and supported me in making decisions—at first, in small ways. For example, how do I want to engage with others? How do I want to be with myself in everyday situations?
Choosing a few core values doesn’t mean you abandon others. It simply means you focus on a handful of values that will guide you through tough times. These are the values that will support you when you feel overwhelmed, lose clarity, or struggle to make decisions.
The reason I started discovering my core values in the first place was to make decision-making easier. As a student of this process myself, I can say it has helped me immensely. I don’t think it necessarily makes decisions easier at first, but it has made me feel more confident and aligned with the person I am and the woman I want to become—the woman who would make a decision in a certain way.
This process isn’t about making life easier; it’s another tool that helps you navigate even the hardest decisions and grow from them. It helps you become more aligned with your true self, which in turn allows you to create a life that reflects your true desires and visions.
Even though I initially started working on discovering my values to make life easier, they ultimately helped me endure the hardest decisions. And that’s what it’s really about. It’s like when you start lifting weights—the weights don’t get lighter, but you get stronger.
So, go out there, discover your core values, and start working with them. Use them to build your inner home—the place where you trust yourself because you know your direction.
